Saturday, October 17, 2015

Boat and Sea pt. 4

   I'd been waiting here for months now. I was waiting for her to come back. I called out her name, but there was not even an answer. She had left without even saying anything. Me heart ached to hear her voice again; to hear her whisper my name. 
   She was so close to me, yet, she distracted herself with other things, not wanting to talk. I saw her breaking down in tears, without knowing where to go or what to do. The whole time I was right there with her. My arms were around her, embracing her, but she chose not to feel me. She chose to look the other way and put on her strong face. It hurt my heart.
   More weeks went by and I watched her. I never left her side. Throughout everything, I was there with her. 
   She was walking around her room and she pulled out her old journals. These journals were filled with memories of her and I. They were love stories about us. I sat down on the blue bed next to her and held her soft hand as she read through each page, tears filling her eyes. I looked straight at her as I breathed, "I love you, baby."

   Flipping through these pages brought back so many memories; beautiful memories. The ink was smeared with old tears of happiness. I was reminded of the craziest experiences I've ever had and they were all with Papa. I began to cry because I missed the relationship that I had with him, yet I knew that I was the one who put myself in this position. 
   What hurt the most was that I felt like I didn't know how to start again. How could I just go back to our relationship if I had been ignoring him and turning away for so long? We used to spend every minute of every day together and now it had been several months since I'd even tried talking with him. 
   Just then, I felt the warmth of his hand on mine. I looked to my left and saw my Papa sitting right there with me. 
   "I never left you, love." I began to sob. "You're my precious girl and I desire relationship with you."
   "I am so sorry, Papa. Please forgive me for setting you to the side. Forgive me for ignoring you and walking away when you were there the whole time. I am sorry." My heart was heavy. 
   "You are so forgiven. I am beyond elated that you're here with me now. My love for you has never changed and it never will."
   "Thank you, Papa. I have some stuff I want to give you." I began taking the chains off that were on my heart. For the past eight months I had given them place to come and burden me. "Papa, these are the things that I allowed in my life and that were distracting me and holding me back from my relationship with you. I am so sorry and I don't want anything to do with them anymore." One by one, I took the chains off as he broke them and crushed them to pieces, no longer existent. 
   I felt like I was flying. I felt light. I was truly free. I held onto my Papa and never wanted to let go. It was no longer me living, but Papa living in me. 
   I hadn't gone to our secret place in what seemed like forever. But Papa can always hear my thoughts, so he just looked at me and smiled. "Let's go," he spoke. He swept me up into his arms and carried me outside into our canoe. 

   I cherished this time. I sat across from her and together we rowed. We were in sync with each other. An icy air whisped across the ocean's top, sending a mist to cover our faces. Gosh, she was so breathtakingly beautiful. 
   Her clear blue eyes watched me. And I couldn't take my eyes off of her, either. She was wearing a light blue dress that looked stunning with her blonde hair that was blowing in the sea breeze. She was a work of art. 
   We were nearing our tree, so I slowed the canoe. I know I put it there, but every time I saw this vast tree standing in the middle of the ocean, it was just surreal. The fierce waves crashed against the thick trunk. I made sure it would be like that because I know my baby loves listening to the roar of the break.
   I helped her climb out and onto our branch. As usual, we were surrounded by tea-candle lights. I adored to watch them glisten in her eyes.
   She sat down, her feet dangling from the tree and wrapped herself in the warm, colorful blanket. I went over next to her and did the same. It felt wonderful to be here with her again after so long. 

   I was home. That is where I belong. Right there, with my Papa. It was so refreshing to be by his side again; words can't even describe. 
   "I missed this," he said as he wrapped his arm around me. 
   "So did I. I don't know what I was thinking by ever leaving, but I am so happy to be here now. I never want to leave again. I never will." Talking to Papa was always the best. It brings so much peace, love, and passion. And hearing his voice was like taking your first drink of water after being stranded in the desert.
   He looked at me and spoke again. "Love, I know that was a dry season you were in for a while, but that doesn't mean that we've lost ground in our relationship. All the promises that I've given you, the things I want to do with you, and the plans that I have for you haven't changed. They never will." A smile washed over my face and tears of happiness filled my eyes. He continued, "You will be stronger now than you've ever been. I am giving you a new armor. You are bullet proof. But you still have to choose to put that armor on everyday. Things will come so much easier to you now. As you seek me out, you will be strengthened even more. There's nothing that can stop you now."
   I was bawling. All of my fears, all of my doubts were trampled as he spoke those words. Before, I felt like I had lost everything; my relationship with him, my prophetic destiny, the true dreams and desires of my heart, everything. That was a lie. My Papa is so good. He is great and he dwells inside me, therefore I am great. He is my passion. 

   This time with her, I wouldn't trade it for anything. My heart was pounding inside my chest. I was beyond delighted for this next season of her life that we were walking into together. There are so many adventures to be had and miracles to be seen. 
   "What are the dreams and desires of your heart?" I asked her. I already knew the answer, but it captivated me to hear her talk so passionately about it. 
   "I want to travel the nations. I want to go to these places and speak to presidents and world leaders. I will train up a group of young children and bring them with me. They will be the ones to bring transformation to these great leaders. The prophetic words that we receive from you will change the courses of nations. Violence will be destroyed and peace renewed. And I want to be a writer to share all of our adventures. My dream is that when people read the stories I write, your spirit would come alive in them. That is my dream." 
   As she spoke this to me, I could hear the rhythm of her heart beat faster. All that she spoke was my desire for her. This dream will become a reality. 
   The sky had grown dark as we'd been talking. The ocean below us was now black with mystery and the full moon danced on the rippling water. It was getting late. As much as I wanted to stay here with her, I knew that she would be getting tired soon. It was <<good>> to know that even though I was taking her back, we could still be together always. 
   "We should be going," I said to her. 
   "Ok, Papa." She grabbed hold of my hand and sat down inside our wooden canoe. 
   "Now just curl up and rest. I'll take us home safe." I gave her another blanket and kissed her warm forehead. 
   "I love you, Papa."
   "I love you more, baby."

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