I’ve been lost at sea for a month now. I am hungry, I am thirsty, and I am tired. Even though it was my choice to get myself lost, I feel broken; like I’m not even me anymore. I know what I need to do, but I don’t do it because as stupid as it may sound, I consider myself justified for feeling the way I do. I try to lift my head up, but just trying does not get me anywhere. I deem myself so justified that I'm about to decide that I would rather stay lost out here in the sea, then leave and go back to living my dream.
“I am right here, baby!” I have been standing in front of her the whole time, with my arms open, longing for her embrace, but she cannot see me. Her eyes are fixed on something else. Back when we were at the shore, I saw her get into the rickety, old wooden canoe, and I waited for her to call my name and invite me to go with her, but she never even looked back. My heart dropped. I follow her, protecting her and caring for her. She does not acknowledge that I am here, but I desire to be with my baby girl. She is so precious to me, but she seems to have forgotten all that we share. I watch as she rows the boat into deeper water. I am right here with her. So close to touch her, but she does not feel me, she does not want to. I can tell my baby is tired because her rowing comes to a stop and she lies down.
I look around in my boat and I see something tucked in one of the crevices. It is a folded up piece of paper. As I lay here, I feel weak, but I reach over to pick it up. Unfolding it slowly, I begin to read what it says. It is a love letter; half of it written from me to Papa and the other half is what he wrote to me. I began to read…
I have memorized the words from this letter. She wrote it to me a while ago and I have read it every day.
“Papa, I love you. From the deepest part of me, I desire you. You are my king, my creator, my love, my father. I will not go anywhere or do anything unless you are there with me. You are my one true love. I can’t take my eyes off of you because I am so in love. Your presence is so sweet. There is no other place I would rather be. It is refreshing. I fear nothing, I worry nothing, when I am with you. Your love is unconditional and your joy overwhelming. Thank you, Papa. You are strong like steel and soft like the wind. I am yours. I love you.”
Mm... how her words make me smile. I cannot forget that day, when she first truly fell in love with me.
After reading what I had wrote, it became so real to me. I continued to read what my Papa had written to me,
“Baby, “For you reach into my heart. With one flash of your eyes I am undone by your love.” Oh, how I desire to be with you. From before you were even a thought in your parent’s mind, I have loved you. I have set you apart and given you an amazing, great prophetic destiny. Your words are honey to me and I drink them in, the taste so sweet. You are my daughter and my love. You are strong and you amaze me. My heart races every time your eyes meet with mine. I trust you, baby. Thank you. I am so in love with you.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks. My first love. I am reminded of him and the truth that he is. I set the letter down on the bench beside me and read the promises that he had etched into the wood of the boat. They had always been there, but I had chosen not to read them. Now, I drink them in and am reminded of the promises my Papa has spoken to me. His promises are truth. I am so thankful for his unrelenting forgiveness. I call out his name and immediately, I see him running towards me, on top of the water. He steps inside the boat and kisses me softly; such a sweet kiss. No other thought can I think, except of him. He puts his hand on my heart and I am whole. He forgave me for the fit that I was throwing. I tell him that there is only one thing I want to do now. I want to go to our secret place.
It isn’t far to get from where we are to our secret place. She is tired, so I tell her that I will row the rest of the way. My heart is so happy right now. We are not using words, but our hearts are communicating. We look each other in the eye. Our tree comes into sight and as we arrive, I tie the boat to the thick trunk. I pick her up and lift her onto our branch. The blankets were still there and the candles lit. They are always lit because it is ready for us whenever we want. She gives me her hand and I sit by her side. “Baby, I love you and I missed you.” It was all I wanted to say. She tells me how much she loves me. I hear her words and cannot stop admiring her. Her beauty is beyond words. I grab her hand and stare into her blue eyes.
I haven’t stopped laughing since we got here. He makes me so happy and I feel so good when I am with him. Once I catch a break from laughing so hard, I am able to look up into his eyes, but when I see him, I begin to laugh even harder. I can’t bare look at him too long because I am laughing so hard that it hurts. He draws me in more and more. I have to hold onto him with all of my strength because if I don’t, I am going to fall. Oh man, I don’t know how I could have looked away from this. I will not do it again. This is too good. It is all good and I know there is still more. Whoa! He holds my face with his hands so that I am able to open my eyes and see him. There is so much I am trying to say, but I am unable to open my mouth. I know that it’s ok, though, because everything I am thinking, he is hearing. He tells me that he has something else that he wants to share with me. Every time he says this, butterflies begin to fly inside of me. It’s an excitement, a joy, a thankfulness, a wonder.
"Jamaica. Mayoruna tribe in Jamaica. I am going to send you to this tribe and the chief is going to fall in love with me there, though your heart. There are babies dying there and it breaks me to see this. But you, baby, you are going to bring the love and the truth that they need. Don’t worry because you aren’t going to go alone. I will be there with you the whole way. I will give you the words to say and provide for you. People are going to look up to you. Milk and honey will flow out of your fingers and feed thousands of the children there. Color is going to come back and joy is going to attack the tribe."
I am beyond excited to go with her to Jamaica and see all of this happening. It is going to be great. I look at her and I see her face light up. I see her sitting on the edge of the branch. She wants to go and that is why I planned all of this for her. I trust her. The stars are dancing on the water and for a while, we just sit there watching them. She falls asleep on my shoulder and I scoop her up and set her gently into the boat. We ride the rippling waves as I row us back to shore. Without even waking her, I carry her up to her room and rest her in her bed. She is a princess. Even as she sleeps, her loveliness astounds me. “Good night, baby.”