Saturday, October 17, 2015

Boat and Sea pt. 4

   I'd been waiting here for months now. I was waiting for her to come back. I called out her name, but there was not even an answer. She had left without even saying anything. Me heart ached to hear her voice again; to hear her whisper my name. 
   She was so close to me, yet, she distracted herself with other things, not wanting to talk. I saw her breaking down in tears, without knowing where to go or what to do. The whole time I was right there with her. My arms were around her, embracing her, but she chose not to feel me. She chose to look the other way and put on her strong face. It hurt my heart.
   More weeks went by and I watched her. I never left her side. Throughout everything, I was there with her. 
   She was walking around her room and she pulled out her old journals. These journals were filled with memories of her and I. They were love stories about us. I sat down on the blue bed next to her and held her soft hand as she read through each page, tears filling her eyes. I looked straight at her as I breathed, "I love you, baby."

   Flipping through these pages brought back so many memories; beautiful memories. The ink was smeared with old tears of happiness. I was reminded of the craziest experiences I've ever had and they were all with Papa. I began to cry because I missed the relationship that I had with him, yet I knew that I was the one who put myself in this position. 
   What hurt the most was that I felt like I didn't know how to start again. How could I just go back to our relationship if I had been ignoring him and turning away for so long? We used to spend every minute of every day together and now it had been several months since I'd even tried talking with him. 
   Just then, I felt the warmth of his hand on mine. I looked to my left and saw my Papa sitting right there with me. 
   "I never left you, love." I began to sob. "You're my precious girl and I desire relationship with you."
   "I am so sorry, Papa. Please forgive me for setting you to the side. Forgive me for ignoring you and walking away when you were there the whole time. I am sorry." My heart was heavy. 
   "You are so forgiven. I am beyond elated that you're here with me now. My love for you has never changed and it never will."
   "Thank you, Papa. I have some stuff I want to give you." I began taking the chains off that were on my heart. For the past eight months I had given them place to come and burden me. "Papa, these are the things that I allowed in my life and that were distracting me and holding me back from my relationship with you. I am so sorry and I don't want anything to do with them anymore." One by one, I took the chains off as he broke them and crushed them to pieces, no longer existent. 
   I felt like I was flying. I felt light. I was truly free. I held onto my Papa and never wanted to let go. It was no longer me living, but Papa living in me. 
   I hadn't gone to our secret place in what seemed like forever. But Papa can always hear my thoughts, so he just looked at me and smiled. "Let's go," he spoke. He swept me up into his arms and carried me outside into our canoe. 

   I cherished this time. I sat across from her and together we rowed. We were in sync with each other. An icy air whisped across the ocean's top, sending a mist to cover our faces. Gosh, she was so breathtakingly beautiful. 
   Her clear blue eyes watched me. And I couldn't take my eyes off of her, either. She was wearing a light blue dress that looked stunning with her blonde hair that was blowing in the sea breeze. She was a work of art. 
   We were nearing our tree, so I slowed the canoe. I know I put it there, but every time I saw this vast tree standing in the middle of the ocean, it was just surreal. The fierce waves crashed against the thick trunk. I made sure it would be like that because I know my baby loves listening to the roar of the break.
   I helped her climb out and onto our branch. As usual, we were surrounded by tea-candle lights. I adored to watch them glisten in her eyes.
   She sat down, her feet dangling from the tree and wrapped herself in the warm, colorful blanket. I went over next to her and did the same. It felt wonderful to be here with her again after so long. 

   I was home. That is where I belong. Right there, with my Papa. It was so refreshing to be by his side again; words can't even describe. 
   "I missed this," he said as he wrapped his arm around me. 
   "So did I. I don't know what I was thinking by ever leaving, but I am so happy to be here now. I never want to leave again. I never will." Talking to Papa was always the best. It brings so much peace, love, and passion. And hearing his voice was like taking your first drink of water after being stranded in the desert.
   He looked at me and spoke again. "Love, I know that was a dry season you were in for a while, but that doesn't mean that we've lost ground in our relationship. All the promises that I've given you, the things I want to do with you, and the plans that I have for you haven't changed. They never will." A smile washed over my face and tears of happiness filled my eyes. He continued, "You will be stronger now than you've ever been. I am giving you a new armor. You are bullet proof. But you still have to choose to put that armor on everyday. Things will come so much easier to you now. As you seek me out, you will be strengthened even more. There's nothing that can stop you now."
   I was bawling. All of my fears, all of my doubts were trampled as he spoke those words. Before, I felt like I had lost everything; my relationship with him, my prophetic destiny, the true dreams and desires of my heart, everything. That was a lie. My Papa is so good. He is great and he dwells inside me, therefore I am great. He is my passion. 

   This time with her, I wouldn't trade it for anything. My heart was pounding inside my chest. I was beyond delighted for this next season of her life that we were walking into together. There are so many adventures to be had and miracles to be seen. 
   "What are the dreams and desires of your heart?" I asked her. I already knew the answer, but it captivated me to hear her talk so passionately about it. 
   "I want to travel the nations. I want to go to these places and speak to presidents and world leaders. I will train up a group of young children and bring them with me. They will be the ones to bring transformation to these great leaders. The prophetic words that we receive from you will change the courses of nations. Violence will be destroyed and peace renewed. And I want to be a writer to share all of our adventures. My dream is that when people read the stories I write, your spirit would come alive in them. That is my dream." 
   As she spoke this to me, I could hear the rhythm of her heart beat faster. All that she spoke was my desire for her. This dream will become a reality. 
   The sky had grown dark as we'd been talking. The ocean below us was now black with mystery and the full moon danced on the rippling water. It was getting late. As much as I wanted to stay here with her, I knew that she would be getting tired soon. It was <<good>> to know that even though I was taking her back, we could still be together always. 
   "We should be going," I said to her. 
   "Ok, Papa." She grabbed hold of my hand and sat down inside our wooden canoe. 
   "Now just curl up and rest. I'll take us home safe." I gave her another blanket and kissed her warm forehead. 
   "I love you, Papa."
   "I love you more, baby."

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

You Make It Real For Me

When the stars aren't shining
And the sun's not burning,
I know it's gonna be ok. 
I look into your eyes
And I seem to realize...

You make it real for me. 
Like the first rainfall after the drought. 
The colors of the sky as the sun sets. 
The smell of the air in the springtime. 
You make it real for me. 

You're my best friend, that's not gonna change. 
I trust you completely for you truly know me. 
Sometimes it's hard to be strong with all that's going on,
But I'm by your side and it all comes back.
It's the truth that's carried in your smile. 

You make it real for me. 
Like the song of the morning. 
The crash of the ocean waves. 
The wind blowing through the trees. 
You make it real for me. 

Written: September 2014

Love @ First Sight

They say it can't happen,
But I'll show them again.
This thing they call love,
Only true from above. 

This is love at first sight.
No doubt, it just feels right. 
With one look of your eyes,
My heartbeat starts to rise. 

We may be young and wild,
But I died when you smiled. 
My world came to a stop 
And my heart, about to pop.

This is love at first sight. 
No doubt, it just feels right. 
With one touch of your kiss,
I fall into pure bliss. 

Love is more than a feel.
When I'm with you, it's real. 
Forever and always,
My flame for you ablaze. 

Written: Oct. 14, 2015

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Boat and Sea pt. 3

I’ve been lost at sea for a month now. I am hungry, I am thirsty, and I am tired. Even though it was my choice to get myself lost, I feel broken; like I’m not even me anymore. I know what I need to do, but I don’t do it because as stupid as it may sound, I consider myself justified for feeling the way I do. I try to lift my head up, but just trying does not get me anywhere. I deem myself so justified that I'm about to decide that I would rather stay lost out here in the sea, then leave and go back to living my dream.  
“I am right here, baby!” I have been standing in front of her the whole time, with my arms open, longing for her embrace, but she cannot see me. Her eyes are fixed on something else. Back when we were at the shore, I saw her get into the rickety, old wooden canoe, and I waited for her to call my name and invite me to go with her, but she never even looked back. My heart dropped. I follow her, protecting her and caring for her. She does not acknowledge that I am here, but I desire to be with my baby girl. She is so precious to me, but she seems to have forgotten all that we share. I watch as she rows the boat into deeper water. I am right here with her. So close to touch her, but she does not feel me, she does not want to. I can tell my baby is tired because her rowing comes to a stop and she lies down.
I look around in my boat and I see something tucked in one of the crevices. It is a folded up piece of paper. As I lay here, I feel weak, but I reach over to pick it up. Unfolding it slowly, I begin to read what it says. It is a love letter; half of it written from me to Papa and the other half is what he wrote to me. I began to read…
I have memorized the words from this letter. She wrote it to me a while ago and I have read it every day.
“Papa, I love you. From the deepest part of me, I desire you. You are my king, my creator, my love, my father. I will not go anywhere or do anything unless you are there with me. You are my one true love. I can’t take my eyes off of you because I am so in love. Your presence is so sweet. There is no other place I would rather be. It is refreshing. I fear nothing, I worry nothing, when I am with you. Your love is unconditional and your joy overwhelming. Thank you, Papa. You are strong like steel and soft like the wind. I am yours. I love you.”

Mm... how her words make me smile. I cannot forget that day, when she first truly fell in love with me.
After reading what I had wrote, it became so real to me. I continued to read what my Papa had written to me,
“Baby, “For you reach into my heart. With one flash of your eyes I am undone by your love.” Oh, how I desire to be with you. From before you were even a thought in your parent’s mind, I have loved you. I have set you apart and given you an amazing, great prophetic destiny. Your words are honey to me and I drink them in, the taste so sweet. You are my daughter and my love. You are strong and you amaze me. My heart races every time your eyes meet with mine. I trust you, baby. Thank you. I am so in love with you.” 

Tears rolled down my cheeks. My first love. I am reminded of him and the truth that he is.  I set the letter down on the bench beside me and read the promises that he had etched into the wood of the boat. They had always been there, but I had chosen not to read them. Now, I drink them in and am reminded of the promises my Papa has spoken to me. His promises are truth. I am so thankful for his unrelenting forgiveness. I call out his name and immediately, I see him running towards me, on top of the water. He steps inside the boat and kisses me softly; such a sweet kiss. No other thought can I think, except of him. He puts his hand on my heart and I am whole. He forgave me for the fit that I was throwing. I tell him that there is only one thing I want to do now. I want to go to our secret place.
It isn’t far to get from where we are to our secret place. She is tired, so I tell her that I will row the rest of the way. My heart is so happy right now. We are not using words, but our hearts are communicating. We look each other in the eye. Our tree comes into sight and as we arrive, I tie the boat to the thick trunk. I pick her up and lift her onto our branch. The blankets were still there and the candles lit. They are always lit because it is ready for us whenever we want. She gives me her hand and I sit by her side. “Baby, I love you and I missed you.” It was all I wanted to say. She tells me how much she loves me. I hear her words and cannot stop admiring her. Her beauty is beyond words. I grab her hand and stare into her blue eyes.
I haven’t stopped laughing since we got here. He makes me so happy and I feel so good when I am with him. Once I catch a break from laughing so hard, I am able to look up into his eyes, but when I see him, I begin to laugh even harder. I can’t bare look at him too long because I am laughing so hard that it hurts. He draws me in more and more. I have to hold onto him with all of my strength because if I don’t, I am going to fall. Oh man, I don’t know how I could have looked away from this. I will not do it again. This is too good. It is all good and I know there is still more. Whoa! He holds my face with his hands so that I am able to open my eyes and see him. There is so much I am trying to say, but I am unable to open my mouth. I know that it’s ok, though, because everything I am thinking, he is hearing. He tells me that he has something else that he wants to share with me. Every time he says this, butterflies begin to fly inside of me. It’s an excitement, a joy, a thankfulness, a wonder.
"Jamaica. Mayoruna tribe in Jamaica. I am going to send you to this tribe and the chief is going to fall in love with me there, though your heart. There are babies dying there and it breaks me to see this. But you, baby, you are going to bring the love and the truth that they need. Don’t worry because you aren’t going to go alone. I will be there with you the whole way. I will give you the words to say and provide for you. People are going to look up to you. Milk and honey will flow out of your fingers and feed thousands of the children there. Color is going to come back and joy is going to attack the tribe."
   I am beyond excited to go with her to Jamaica and see all of this happening. It is going to be great. I look at her and I see her face light up. I see her sitting on the edge of the branch. She wants to go and that is why I planned all of this for her. I trust her. The stars are dancing on the water and for a while, we just sit there watching them. She falls asleep on my shoulder and I scoop her up and set her gently into the boat. We ride the rippling waves as I row us back to shore. Without even waking her, I carry her up to her room and rest her in her bed. She is a princess. Even as she sleeps, her loveliness astounds me. “Good night, baby.”

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Boat and Sea pt. 2

   I heard him calling again and we paddle through the moonlit sea, out to our place. I know it well by now. We have been here many times, sharing each others' hearts. The journey was so beautiful. It became the place where no matter what circumstances were going on around me, I could always go there to get my focus back on my Papa. 
   Here we were again. My week had been crazy; filled with ups and downs. I got five new girls in my house, then I found out that my grandma was in the hospital. I was told I was getting a beautiful baby boy, and later in the week, I received the call that my grandma had passed away. So needless to say, when I heard Papa calling my name, I sprinted down to be with him and didn't stop until I was in his arms. He is who I need. 

   It broke my heart to see her heart break. The week had been a roller coaster and I knew she was going to need a unique treasure to bring her back to the truth. She had given me her heart which was truly a blessing. I crave, I yearn for relationship with her.
   I had a special day planned out that would fill her love tank to overflowing. I love how well we know each other. Down to the smallest details, I know what makes her heart smile and her spirit come alive. 
   As I sit in our canoe, waiting for my beautiful baby, I look around and see that everything is perfect; exactly how I made it for her. The sky was hazy. Clouds are rolling across. The soil on the land was moist and as you breathed the cool air in, the smell of rain filled your being. "Sweatshirt weather," as she liked to call it. 
   I see her now. She is running towards me from the yellowing aspens. All the way from here, I can make out the crunch of the fallen leaves beneath her feet. Her loveliness still blows me away every time. As she nears me, I can't help but beam. I am beyond elated to see her again. She springs into my lap and I wrap my arms tightly around her. We just stay there for a moment, enjoying the closeness; breathing in the presence. "I love you, baby. You will forever be mine." I whispered these soft words to her. She looks up at me, tears filling up in her eyes and smiles. 
   "I love you, too, Papa. Let's go to our place." I squeeze her hand one more time, wrap her in a  blanket, and start to row. 

   Sitting on our branch, I look below as the gentle water dances. My Papa knows me even better than I know myself. He held me tight and pulled me in. I listened to the drum of his heart; the beat being to the rhythm of his love. It is my favorite song. I can't help but fall deeper and deeper in love. I am sinking in his love. 
   He leans closer to affirm to me again just how much he loves me. And how strong I am. I grab his hand. He's who makes me whole again. 
   "I have something planned for you, baby." He lifts me up into his back and jumps into the night sky. We're flying through the bright stars now. As we go by each one, our faces light up and I can feel them warmth radiating off of them. We are gliding up and down; left and right. I ask him where we're going and he is quiet. 
   We keep flying until I see something come into the distance. From way up here, it looks like a tiny island, but as we get closer, I notice it to be South America. We zoom over the land as I see all of the beautiful beaches, luscious rainforests, and people filled streets. I felt like the culture was being written into my DNA, becoming a part of my identity. Once I had seen everything, we went over to the next continent. Each place we were at, Papa would look back at me and smile. "This is all yours, baby. You're my daughter, And today is your birthday. What do you want? Name it: Nations as a present? Continents as a prize?"
   Hand in hand now, we flew back to our tree. The dark green leaves hung gracefully over each branch, creating a canopy like setting from the inside. He brought me to our branch where our blankets were waiting for us. I lean back against the cold tree trunk and Papa std across from me, looking into my eyes. 

   Sitting here looking at her filled my heart with joy. Our adventure had gone exactly how I had planned. I brought her to all of the nations that she was going to go and I gave them to her. She is my daughter, my beloved. Together we will get to bring transformation. 
   There was still more that I wanted to share with her. "I am going to take you to all of these nations and you won't even have to buy your plane tickets. You won't need to get on a plane at all. I am going to transport you to these nations. Together we will go from place to place, traveling in my presence. You're a prophetic voice to the nations. I trust you and I love you." 

   I was speechless. I couldn't even think about what to say but heart was beating so fast. I could literally hear it pounding outside of my chest. The hair on my neck was sticking up. All that he was saying to me seemed impossible. But I knew that it  wasn't. Nothing is impossible with my Papa. I was also just so excited. I love to travel and traveling with him would be the best. I wasn't quite sure how it would look being transported to these places, but I know that when you leave understanding behind, amazing things can happen. 
   He keeps me wrapped in the blanket and laid me down in the canoe. I lie there, listening to the splash of the water beating against the sides as Papa paddles us back home. I fell deep asleep, never feeling so good. He carried me back up to my room and sets me in bed. He doesn't leave, through, he never does. 
   "Until next time, baby. Good night."

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Boat and Sea pt. 1


I had it all planned out. This was just the place that she could fall in love with. I took all of the things that I knew she loved and I put them all together, creating a place that she couldn’t even imagine. Today was the day that I was finally going to take her there. It had been finished and ready for a while now, but I wanted her to be ready to see it, too. That may be hard to understand because you might be thinking, “Why would someone have to be ready just to see a place that you know they will like?” But after you read this, you will be able to understand.

She was in her room when I called to her. I told her to get ready because we were going to leave on a journey. The excitement that was building up inside of me was indescribable. I had been waiting for the right time to take her to this place and the day had finally come where I could show her what I had created. As she walked toward me, I couldn’t help but think, “This is the most beautiful woman I have seen.” I guided her to the edge of the ocean. The wind was gently blowing through our hair, whisping against our faces. The mist of the sea left a light cover over our arms. I took her hand and we walked to an old wooden canoe. I had specifically built this canoe just for her. It was old and rustic, but safe to get us to the place I had created for her. 

We slid into the canoe and as I paddle us out, we stared at each other, listening to each other’s hearts, not needing words. The butterflies were building in my stomach, but not out of nervousness. I was excited. We took our time, passing through the calm waves as the sun began to set ahead of us. It was the perfect timing to bring her to our place. The ideas that I had for our place and the things that I wanted to share with her while we were there, I could hardly stand to wait for. I began to paddle more quickly, eager to arrive at just the perfect time. As we began to get closer, you could see the tree coming into distance. Slowly, it began to get bigger as we drew closer.

We finally arrived to our place. I helped her out of the canoe and into the tree. The tree was giant. It was like an oak tree with a thick trunk. It had a countless number of branches and leaves that hung over each branch like on a willow. This tree was in the middle of the sea, exactly where I had put it. I led her up to a branch where I had left blankets to keep her comfortable and warm. With every smile, she ceased to amaze me with her beauty. She sat down and looked around, a tear suddenly rolling down her cheek.


I couldn’t believe where I was. It was like I was in a dream, but it was even better than that. The way that he had created everything made me sure that he knew my heart well. Everything about this place was just perfect. My heart had been beating faster and faster this whole time. I wouldn’t say that I was nervous, but I didn’t know what to expect. I did know, however, that wherever he would take me would be amazing because he is always good. I was sitting there on the branch that he took me to. I looked around and started to notice the smaller details that he added. On each and every branch there were hundreds of tea candle lights. The sea beneath us was glistening in the moonlight. And somehow, the stars in the night sky were brighter than I had ever seen them before. Taking all of this beauty in, I didn’t know what else to do, but cry. This was too perfect and knowing that he had created it all for me, made me fall even deeper in love. He wiped the tears from my eyes and gave me a kiss on the cheek. He whispered to me how his love for me was deeper than the sea, brighter than the stars, and even more extraordinary than all of this. He is my Papa. He is the one that I trust in. He is the one that I love. 

We began to talk and he began to tell me of how he has wanted to take me here for a while, but that I had been distracted with other things. And now, he was so happy that he got to take me here, knowing that it was the perfect time. This is what I love. I love being in the arms of my Papa, hearing his voice as he shares with me his thoughts. He told me that this was the place that he created just for me; that whenever we wanted, we could come here, talk, and share our hearts with each other. This gave me so much joy because that meant that I could come here every day and spend time with my Papa, which is exactly what I want to do. 

Papa told me that during the time that we were going to spend here in our place, he was going to share with me the secrets of his heart. When he told me this, my heart skipped a beat. I couldn’t help thinking, “Why me?” But I forgot that Papa can always hear what I am thinking. He answered my question by saying, “You’re my beautiful and treasured daughter. Even before you were born, I had the place created just for you, a place where we could go and spend time together. You will be amazed by the places and the people that I am going to take you to. Never think that I have left you, for I will forever be by your side.” He always knew what to say. Every time he spoke, a wave of peace would take over me and there would be no other thought in my mind except those that are in his.

I sit there, with the twinkling lights around me. My Papa asks me if I wanted to dance, and although I don’t see a way where it would be possible, I decided to leave logic and reason behind, allowing the impossible to happen. He swooped me up into his arms and we leaped into the sea. I braced myself to plunge into the cool water that was beneath, but we stopped before we sunk. There on top of the ocean, we began to dance; to the rhythm of our heartbeats. For hours we continued to dance. Spinning and twirling and laughing. Papa would dip me down and my hair would brush the water, then I would come up laughing so hard it hurt. 


Spending this time with her was truly the way to make my heart happy. As I was dancing with her, our joy grew and spread out far. It was seeping from us and leaked out into the sea. I knew that the joy that was in the sea would soon wash up and reach someone. The time had come where I would share with her one of the secrets of my heart. This was just one of the many that I wanted to share with her, but this one had to come first. When we finished dancing, I led her back up to our branch where I wrapped her in the blanket. I watched the candles flicker in her eyes as she looked at them. The sound of the ocean filled the air. “I have something that I want to share with you. I want to share with you one of the secrets of my heart right now. You are the one that I want to share this with because I trust you. When I tell you this, I know that you will do the right thing with it. I have a key. It is hidden in the land of Israel and this key is going to open up the door for all of the nations in the Middle East. I want you to go and dig it up, then I will take you to the next place you need to be where you can open the doors to bring the joy and freedom to these nations in the Middle East.” I could tell that there was a little worry in her face. She wasn’t sure how this would all work. “Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers. I will be with you the entire journey.” As I said this, her face lightened up and her countenance lifted. 

I knew it would take some time for her, but I was already super excited for this to begin. I knew that I had the right person to do this and that she would do it amazingly. I stared in her eyes and she stared into mine. I loved this time together, even when we aren’t saying anything. It is just nice to be here without words, listening to each other’s hearts rather than just their voice. It was time for her to get back, so I guided her back to the canoe. She wanted to help me row, so we took turns going back and forth across the sea. It was still dark out, but along the horizon, you could see the rays of the sun beginning to peak through. Soon the night would be gone and a new day starting. I couldn’t wait for tomorrow when we could do this again. We pulled up onto the shore, hearing the sand crunch against the wood of the canoe. I walked her back to her house. “Same time tomorrow,” I said, as I kissed her forehead.


Papa had just brought me back to my room and I couldn’t believe where I had just been. It seemed way too good to have been true, but it was. Going to our place was such an amazing experience and it made me expectant and excited for the times to come. My heart wouldn’t stop beating fast. I was still filled with the peace and the joy that I had received while I was there. I slipped into my covers, thinking about everything that had happened and never wanting to leave from there. This experience was one like never before and I want to go deeper now. I know that tomorrow Papa will take me deeper. He will tell me something and we will do something together that I never would be able to think of until it happens. 

I am so in love. Papa’s thoughts are my thoughts and what he is feeling, I, too, feel. Closing my eyes, I could feel that he was still there with me. He was going to meet me in my dreams and we would share more together. Right then, he came and was calling my name again.